What Goes Around

The tall, dark haired woman exuded elegance, even as she bent to match the height of the young girl sitting in front of her. "It's ok, Jessie," she said. 

The young girl shook off the woman's hand and leant away, just out of the woman's reach. "No." Her head turned quickly from side to side, voice struggling to stay steady. "Daddy used to call me that." 

In front of her, the woman stiffened in her crouched position, forehead crinkling as she processed what the girl had said, and what it meant. She could have asked, but she knew her niece well enough to know that would have made her more irritated. "Ok," she said finally. "What would you prefer to be called?" 

The young girl simply looked at her aunt a few minutes while she thought. "Jess," she said finally and nodded, satisfied. "Just Jess." 

"Ok, Jess." 

"What about you?" 

"Me?" The woman blinked. "Nothing's really changed, Jess. I'm still your Aunty Delaura." 

"Aunty D?" Jess asked, rising to her feet to leave. 

With a smile, Delaura stands and slips an arm round the young girl's shoulders. "Sure." 

"Aunty D?" 

"Yeah?" Delaura looked down at her niece, unsure whether she was just testing her aunt's response to her new nickname. 

"You said nothing's changed," Jess continued. "But... That's not true. Everything's changed. Everything." 

Delaura tried hard to hide her sigh. "Yeah," she said. "I guess it has in a way. What I meant was that I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere." 

"I wish Mum and Dad were too." 

"I know." Delaura's thoughts turned to her beautiful little sister, stolen from them, especially her little girl, far too early. "Me too." 

"Will that other man go away, Aunty D?" Jess blinked her bright dark eyes at her aunt, as if this would convince her. As if she needed convincing. "He needs to. He needs to go away cause he made them go away." 

Delaura nodded, opening her mouth to answer before stopping. "Yeah, but that's not up to us Jess..." she stopped just short of adding 'ie', a force of habit when she was feeling particularly protective or affectionate. "The thing we need to know is this; what goes around comes around." 

"Huh?" 

 

"Karma," Delaura explained. 

"Karma?" Jess repeated questioningly, as if this would explain it. 

"Well, the theory goes that if you do good, good will happen, and likewise, if you do bad, then bad will happen. Basically." 

"Karma." Jess said again, as if to link her aunt's description with the word. "So because he did a bad thing, bad will happen to him?" Her eyes light up with hope as she glances at the taller woman for confirmation. 

Delaura opened and closed her mouth a few times, unsure about actually saying the words out loud, even though while it wasn't a great thing to be saying, it was the truth. But then, which was the lesser evil? Which was better? Stewing over rage at what he'd done? Something that nothing could ever undo? Or, believing that the universe would have a way of righting things so to speak, and taking comfort in that? 

"The universe will take care of it somehow, Jess," Delaura said finally, then repeated it, maybe more so to convince herself. She had to trust it. She had to. Otherwise, she was in serious danger of driving herself up the wall. "The universe will take care of it." 

Home

I miss home. The feeling is like a tidal wave of pain, sorrow and longing. I miss the feeling I used to have walking in the door, like a wave of calm that filled me with a sense of peace, comfort and relief. Then, it felt like I could breathe. Now, my breath comes in short, sharp bursts. 

It could be worse. I could be without a house at all. But I'm not. What I am without is a home. It might seem like the same thing. Right? I used to think so too. But what I've come to learn is that it's not. What I've come to learn is that there's a difference, a very important difference, between having a house and having a home. A house is a physical structure; it's walls around you, floor beneath you and roof above you. A home, on the other hand, is an emotional experience. It's a feeling of calm, an atmosphere that's relaxed and an ability to just be. A house provides shelter. A home provides safety. 

So I miss home. Because now, home has been left behind in the rearview mirror. The only thing I want, more than anything, is to get back there, but the only thing that's actually happening is that I seem to be getting father away. 

I spied it once, a way away, off in the distance. At that point, I didn't even have a house. Going home was a dream just out of reach. The locks had been changed and I no longer have the right key. I turn away with a sigh. I have a house, and I'm grateful for that. I just wish I could have my home again. I will one day. Just not yet.  

Let Go

She peered out from her vantage point high up on the roof of a tall building. The city far below appeared like a miniature model constructed as a scaled down version of the real thing. Just the sight sent a wave of nausea coursing through her. Determinedly, she swallowed the burning sensation it brought with it back down her throat. 

As she stood there, hugging herself tight she felt rooted in place, as if there were chains keeping her bound. Chains that had been there so long, she'd long ago grown used to the feeling of the metallic chill against her skin. Chains she hadn't realised existed before. It made her want to slap herself. How had she not seen them before? How had she not noticed there was something there, keeping her from moving forward? From moving on? 

But now, she knew, and she wasn't sure she could stand the feeling anymore. She wanted... needed to let go. But how? Was there a key to open the lock? Could she shake it all away? Was there even a way, or would she be trapped there, set in stone, rooted to the ground, forever? 

She shook her head. No. She couldn't possibly be set like this. Not forever. There had to be some way to make it go away. To let go. Her brain rattled inside her skull along with the chains as she tried to move her arms. Her attempts grew more desperate. But still, the chains would not budge. 

Finally, she took a deep breath, opened her mouth and released a frustrated, ear piercing scream. A rush of air swirled around her, flowing through her hair, lifting it and blowing her long, blonde locks behind her. The feeling of sweet relief. As it wafted away, the wind carried with it the sound of her screams. They became softer and more distant until they finally dissipated completely. 

When she was left alone with a newfound quiet to accompany the forced stillness, she found she was suddenly able to stretch her arms out from her sides. Somehow, she was suddenly, finally, able to move. She peered out at the view in front of her. She breathed deep for courage, spread her arms wide, bent her knees and took off. Finally, she'd let go. 

She had thought that she was all by herself, high up above the rest of the world on the rooftop. But, when you zoomed out even more, as it turned out, there were many people on high rooftops of their own. All of them rooted in place by a set of invisible, possible unknown chains. All of them struggling to find a way to shake it all away, let go and break free. All of them desperate for the same sweet release she felt now, flying freely amongst the clouds in the bright blue sky. And all of them, though not a single one of them aware of it, not alone.       

Stuck

I didn’t realise anyone could be so stupid. It didn’t seem possible. But then I met you, and you proved me wrong. You are that stupid and it blows my mind.

 

If you only opened your eyes, you might see. If you only tried, you might understand. But I get it now; you don’t want to. You’d rather dance around it and press your hands against your ears to drown me out. It’s not a thing. It doesn’t exist. Except it is, and it does. Your persistent insistence on being blind is driving me insane.

 

How lucky for you to have that luxury. How fortunate that you have the luxury of pretending it doesn’t exist. Of denying it. I wish I could say the same. I wish I could turn it off like a light switch. But I can’t. I’m stuck with it, and I’m sorry to say that for now, you’re stuck with me. I’m sorry. But I’m even sorrier that I have the unfortunate displeasure of being stuck with you.

 

How I’m managing not to scream and slap you senseless is anybody’s guess. I manage it because I have to, I suppose. Because I don’t have a choice. Believe you me, if I had it my way, your head would’ve split from my shrieking. Your body would have turned black and blue, bruised right down to the bone. Aren’t you fortunate that I am able to show restraint?

 

I’m not so sure you know how. If you did, you’d stop digging it all back up just to try and excuse your own idiocy when there is no justification for it at all.  If you knew, you’d realise the ludicrousness of your words.

 

But you’re a moron with not even the first clue. You have no idea how torturous you’ve made it for me. I thought I loved what I do. But thanks to you, I’m questioning everything I worked so hard for. You have no idea of the pain you’ve put me through. As if being stuck with it wasn’t enough, you have to rub it in with your persistent delusions that it has no effect on me whatsoever. Maybe it wouldn’t be this bad if you’d stop insisting on playing pretend.

 

Don’t you realise you’re actually making it worse? It’s not that hard to deal with, you know. I’m not asking for the world. But to you, I guess I am. I’m sorry you find it so unreasonable that I need different things, that I have to find other ways to deal. I’m sorry you find it inconvenient. But I’m even sorrier for what you’re too deluded to realise you’re missing out on. I’m sorry that you won’t benefit from the things I could show you.

 

But I’m not sorry that you’re missing out on all of it. You’ve only got yourself to blame for that one. You don’t deserve it anyway. I’m not going to waste my time on someone who thinks I’m not worth theirs. I’m not going to bother caring about someone who couldn’t possibly care any less about me. Believe me when I say that I am running as fast as I can, racing toward the part when I get to leave you behind in the rear-view mirror. I can’t wait for the part where I can finally be free, get away and leave you in my dust. Cause I promise you that then, I’ll never think of you again.

Only Me

 Left all alone with only me, myself and I for company. No one else to listen. No one else to care.  No one else who's interested. No one else who wants to know. Only me. 

One arm that works. Half a body that will cooperate. Some invisible aura that must scream I'm contagious! Stay away! Only me. 

Ostracism, exclusion, isolation and loneliness. Rejection and hurt. Self hatred and self blame  Monsters that exacerbate it all. Only me. 

Surely, it's all only me. It must be. I'm the problem. I have to be. No one else is left alone. No one else has a body that doesn't work quite right. No one else is always avoided. Only me. 

Only me. So what am I doing wrong? So many questions left unanswered. So many things still unknown. So much still remains in shadow. I'm not sure if any of it will ever see the light. The struggle wasn't made any easier. If only I'd known then what I know now. If only. 

If only I knew back then what my life would become. How much better it would be if I could just hold on and keep waiting a little longer. Good things come to those who wait, my grandmother always said. If only I'd known how right she'd turn out to be. If only. 

If only I'd had a glimpse of what was to come. The things yet to be. The people I was yet to find if only I could keep swimming, just like Dory always said. After the storm comes the rainbow, so they say. If only I'd known the storm would come to an end. If only. 

If only I could tell myself that proof was on it's way. The monsters were wrong, our peers young and afraid. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so the story goes. If only I'd known that song could be my anthem If only I'd known how much better it is here on the other side. If only. 

If only I could travel in time and bring the younger me to see her future. The future where the darkness was lesser then the light. Where the sun shines so brightly, it could easily send you blind. If only the past could glimpse the future where the light is visible at the end of a tunnel that doesn't exist. If only. 

If only that hurting, scared and lonely little girl could see that one day, it'd all be different. One day, life would be sweet. All she'd ever wanted and wished for would come. All she'd dreamed of, she'd have. All she'd ever hoped for would be hers.  She wouldn't believe it. She wouldn't listen to anyone else. Only me.   

On Hold

“Hey Freema.” She smiled when her friend’s face appeared on her screen. She couldn't help it. Seeing her friend always made her feel great, but today more than usual. “It’s good to see you again. Like actually see you. Because I don’t think I have. Not since…”
“I’ve lost track of how long…” Freema said.
“January. It was January.”
“Wow. That was months ago.” Freema shook her head. “Jaicey, I can’t believe your memory.”
Jaicey shrugged.
“It’s good to see you, too.” Freema grinned back. “How are you going?”
“Yeah... I’m alright. I miss you, though.”
“Miss me? Jaice, we talk all the time. We’re talking right now.”
“I know. It’s just... it’s not the same. Actually seeing you and being with you is a whole other thing. This... This is good. Don’t take this as me not being grateful, because I am. This is a thousand times better than nothing. But it’s… it’s just not the same, Freema.”
“We’ll hang out again soon.”
“I know. But who knows when that’ll be?”
“Waiting will just makes it sweeter when it finally does come.”
“Yeah. I suppose you’re right.” Jaicey sighed. “I’m just... I’m sick of not being able to be with anyone other than my Mum. I’m sick of everything being on hold.”

Freema’s face softened. “I kind of like it though. I mean, my house is a little quiet for once.”
Jaicey couldn’t help but laugh. She hadn't actually been to Freema's, yet, but she'd heard a lot of stories about how Freema's huge extended family would show up unannounced all the time. It's like a constant party, Freema had told her once. And it gets really tiring.
“No one can come over. It’s just my immediate family here and that’s it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still noisy. But not anywhere near as much as it usually is.”
“I guess it would be nice to have a break from the normal craziness of things.” Jaicey took a breath. “But I don’t know, Free. I feel like too much of any good thing can stop feeling good when you have too much of it. I.. I feel like I’ve had a good break, and now I want to get back into it. Except I can't.”
“Get back into what? School hasn’t stopped.”
"Yeah, but are we actually going to get to graduate?"
Freema's shoulders slumped in defeat. "We'll still finish," she said. "We might not get the ceremony, but we'll still finish."
"I suppose." Jaicey sighed. "I don't know... It's just... We've worked toward this for so long. It'd be nice to celebrate it being all over."
"We still can," Freema said. "We might just have to wait a while."
"Which will make it better and sweeter." Jaicey finished.
Freema nodded. "Yeah. We've just got to wait it out a bit."

"I know." Jaicey said, feeling something like a small child. "We're all waiting. But I'm sick of waiting."
"Everyone is waiting, Jaicey." Freema pointed out. "What is it that you're tired of waiting for?"
"Life,” Jaicey said. “It feels like this thing has stolen away all the good in it. Like, I can still go get needles for vaccinations and stuff-"
"That's necessary," Freema interjected.
Jaicey's gaze fell while she nodded in acknowledgement. "Yeah, I know," she whispered.  "But it doesn't feel like I’m allowed to do anything good. Like going to the movies, or the theatre. Like seeing you.” She sighed. "That's what I miss. More than anything. Because those are the things that help me feel better when I don't feel good at all. Like now."
“Jaice, I promise you. You’re going to be longing for this time when life starts up again. For the slowness and the chill. Trust me.”
Jaicey shrugged, not entirely convinced. “Maybe.”
“This will end, Jaicey. I promise you it will.” Freema’s eyes searched her friend’s, perhaps for a hint of agreement. “For now, just try and make the most of it.”
"I'm trying," Jaicey said, voice heavy. "I just.. I feel like I'm losing time."
Freema nodded, and Jaicey felt her breath catch in her throat. Was her friend finally starting to understand?
"We're all losing time, Jaicey." Freema's voice was soft. "If you want to put it that way. We can't help the fact that the whole world is kind of on hold right now. We can't help that we have no control over the fact that the big giant pause button has been hit on life. What we can do is use the time to our advantage. We can use this time to do the things we've always wanted, to chase after the dreams we've always wished would come true."
Jaicey released a breath when her eyes rose to meet her friend's gaze.
"You know what I think?"
"What?"
"I think that we only lose time if we waste it on things that don't matter." Freema said, spirited. "So take this time to figure out what does matter so you don't lose time on things that don't."
"You matter." Jaicey spoke up in a small voice.
"So do you, my friend." Freema's smile widened slightly. "But I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere, Jaicey. We've still got each other. We're in this together."
Jaicey nodded.
"So, focus on that," Freema said. "Focus on what you do have rather than lamenting everything you don't."
"I'll try," Jaicey said solemnly. "I promise I'll try."

I Want You To Know

Devi's face filled the screen. She was beaming so brightly, it'd be nearly impossible not to smile along with her.
"So this situation we've got going," she started. "It's really got me thinking. If you're watching this, that means that you are one of the most special people to me. You are one of the most important people in my world and you are one of the ones I love the most. I'd hope you know anyway, you should do, but just in case. There's that little reminder." She took a breath, then started to laugh. "Ok. I just realised that this sounds like one of those videos people record when they know they're dying for their loved ones to watch once they're gone." She waved her hands frantically across the screen. "Let me tell you, nothing like that is happening here. I'm not dying. I'm not going anywhere. Quite literally. None of us are going anywhere right now." Another small chuckle escaped her lips.

"But this situation has kind of reminded me of my own mortality and there's some things that I want you to to know." Devi exhaled and wriggled to a more comfortable position in her chair. "Again, I hope none of this will be news to any of you, but just in case you need that reminder, here it comes. Because this is the thing that I've been thinking about. Why is it that we're so scared to express ourselves while we're all together in this life? Why do we tell the people we love everything about our love when they're no longer around to hear it? I'll give you a sec to think on that."

Devi imagined people laughing when they got to this part of the video and watched her roll up her sleeves.
Ooh, she means business now, she imagined at least one of them saying.
"So, here's what I want you to know," she said, taking a breath before she continued. "First, I want you to know that I love you with everything that I am." She cringed at the thought that entered her mind, but she went with it anyway. The only ones who would see this were people that knew her inside and out already. "It's cheesy, but it's kinda... no. It's exactly like that John Legend song. You know the one? All of me..." she started to sing, then trailed off again, leaving space for her viewer to finish the lyric. "Anyway, that. I love you. To borrow from Mr. Rogers, I love you exactly as you are, and I love you because you're you. There will be different reasons for everyone watching this video. That little envelope you got with this? That's what that is. It's the why. Why I love you." She lifted one finger, holding it up so the camera could see. "Anyway, that's number one." She lowered her finger.

"Second," The screen cut to a snippet of the opening from Friends, right around where the male leads' names started coming up.
"Couldn't have said it better myself." Devi folded her arms across her chest, satisfied. "Slight side note; if you haven't heard this song, do me a favour and go take a listen. To the full version. Cause it's awesome, and catchy, and did I say awesome already?" She waved a hand in the air. "Anyway, the second thing I want you to know is I'll be there for you. Always. All you have to do is call me and I'll be there. It doesn't matter what it is. Think I can't handle it? Try me. Cause I'll bet you that I can. Whatever the weather. I'll be there. Cause I know when I've needed it, whenever I need it, you've been there for me." She lifted two fingers. "That's number two."

Devi lowered her fingers. "Now, before I get to the third thing I want you to know, there's something I want you to do for me." She grinned. "What I want you to do for me is to remember those first two things. Remember that I love you, remember that I love you exactly as you are, just because you're you. That's enough. I love you. And remember that I'll be there for you. Always. No matter what it is, whatever the weather. All you have to do is call me. I'll be there."

The video momentarily cut to a black screen. Just long enough for whoever was watching to be fooled into thinking that it might have malfunctioned. Then, Devi's face reappeared and her grin widened. "And finally, third. Now, I want you to really listen to this one, cause it's the most important of all of them." Devi took a breath. Then, "The third and final thing I want you to know is how grateful I am to have you in my life. My life is made infinitely better and brighter because you're in it. Again, there's different reasons for everyone, so take another look at that envelopes. But you've all  shared in my down times and helped me celebrate the good times too. So I'm grateful for you." She lifted her fingers in the air a third time. "That's number three."

Lowering her fingers, Devi let out a breath. "Having said all of that, just as an added bonus, I also want you to know that I can't wait to keep going through life with you part of it. I can't wait to share with you and celebrate with you. I can't wait for everything that's going to come. You know what? You want to know something else?" Devi paused, reaching for something just outside the camera's view. "Our future's gonna be so bright." Devi slid a pair of sunglasses over her eyes. "I've gotta wear shades." 

It's All Good

"How are you always so happy Brook?"

Brook smiled as her gaze turned to the window, and the world beyond. Outside, the sun was shining down and that was enough. She could go outside and bask in it's warmth. Because... why not? Did she really need a reason? Even if it did start to rain, that'd be a-ok with her. It wouldn't make a difference or change a thing, after all. Sure, maybe she'd get a little wet, but that wouldn't stop her from venturing out to go dancing in it.

But, absolutely nothing could beat the time after rain had fallen, when the sun had come out again. Only then could you have the best of both worlds. You had the puddles left over from the rain that you could jump in. But what's more, you also had the sun to warm the water for you. Everything was fresh from the rain and the sun beamed down, lighting the world anew and making all the water droplets that were leftover sparkle. But do you want to know what's even better? The best part? On top of all of it, there was a rainbow waiting to be found just around the corner.

"How can you not be?" Brook turned back to her mother. "It's all good. The sun always ends up shining again. You just have to wait."  

This Will End

This will end. That is my mantra. That is what I tell myself. The words run through my mind on so constant a loop that I  feel like a broken record. I repeat it over and over in a bid to force myself to believe them.

This will end. This is what I have been telling myself for the past... I don't even know how long it's been now. Long enough that I've lost track. The problem is, the deeper we go into this thing, the harder it gets to actually believe that it's true.

This will end. It's true. It has to be. What else is there that I can hold on to if it's not? The world is unraveling fast around me and it really seems like the end. Except it's not. It just feels that way. I can tell myself that it will end all I want, but I'm not so convinced anymore... What I am convinced of is the very real, more likely possibility that I'm going slightly mad...

I'm going slightly mad. Oh dear. But it's true. Trying to ignore the rising panic, the fear and anxiety-inducing news reports. The lack of clarity and certainty about when this will all be over. You'd think blocking out the world would be easier now, but the hissed whispers still creep under the crack of the closed door to lurk in the shadows and haunt me and it's becoming harder and harder.

I'm going slightly mad. We know each other quite well now; me, myself and I. We're getting to that point though where we may well have had too much of a good thing. I want nothing more than to get away from myself, so that I'll miss me. Except I can't. There's nowhere I can go. I am trapped here.

I'm going slightly mad. The allure of spending all this time alone faded away long ago. Staying home all day has turned into a bore- and I liked being at home! I loved it! It was my sanctuary. But the tables turn quickly when all your choices are taken away. And so I tell myself that this will end.

This will end. I will drive myself mad saying it until I believe it. Because it has to end. It just has to. The world can't be ending for forever. It has to go back to normal at some point, surely. I'm going slightly mad waiting and trying to believe it, but this will end. 

Find Me

She looks at herself in the mirror, a small, sad smile stretched across her lips. She positions her arms just as she'd seen the ballerinas do. She studies her reflectiona moment before letting her arms fall down to her sides and moving away.
"It's always just me," she whispers, even though no one's around to hear.

Not always," comes another voice. She follows it to see a young man looking at her through a mirror frame. She reaches out and her finger lands on the glass. Yes, there's something there..

Staring into the young man's eyes, she feels her breath catch in her throat.Their arms mirror one another's up and down before he reaches through and takes hold of her wrist for a moment.He hurries around to catch her as she falls, spinning her around.

When she opens her eyes again, it's like she's somewhere different. He pulls her up to her feet and spins her around on the floor of clouds. He runs after her as she heads for a mirror, this time seeing herself, and the young man with curly blond hair. He tries to touch a hand to her shoulder, but she shrugs it off and runs off in the opposite direction.
She stops, sucking in air through her teeth. Is this real? Or is this just a fantasy? Can I actually let myself believe this is truth?

Turning back to face him, she takes a step away as he tries to take hold of her hand. He raises his arms in front of him like the ballerinas, and they mirror each other spinning around like the dancers she's always dreamed of.

When she raises her arm, he catches it in a loose grip and she allows herself to fall away to the ground. He follows her with his arm as she rises, her eyes meeting his.They reach out toward one another, fingertips almost touching before she finally slips her hand into his and allows a small smile to stretch across her lips.as they turn.

He waltzes her gently through the clouds before lifting her into the air and spinning her around and around. Closing her eyes, she feels the cool breeze rushing past her face. It feels like she's flying, but the entire time, she's safe in his arms. Her feet barely touch the ground before he lifts her into the air again. She reaches up as high as she can, no longer able to stop her smile spreading to light up her entire face. As he lowers her slowly back down, she allows her arms to fall a little, hands clasping together behind her neck.

Her feet touch the ground, but he holds her, strong arms clasped around her waist as he looks into her dark eyes.She bends backwards before springing back and flinging her arms round his neck, hugging him tight. He spins her around once more before setting her back down and running away.

She pushes her hair out of her eyes before turning around to see he's stopped too. He reaches out a hand toward her. The return of her smile cracks the worry that had filled her features for a moment and she runs to him, hand out stretched. Wind rushes through her hair as she reaches him. Hand in hand, they run together, stopping at a mirror frame like the one she'd first found him in.He smiles at her.
"I've always wanted someone to find me," she whispers quietly.
He pulls her in close for a hug. "Here I am."

Beware The Bears

Sweet is what girls want, right? Especially from their boyfriends on Valentine's Day.

Yes, I thought so too. Boy, was I wrong.

Apparently 'sweet' is what new couples or flash young couples do. According to Leah, sweet is unacceptable. At least, not for the second Valentine's Day a couple spent together.  I didn't get it right. Never did, never would, if you asked her. Needless to say, we are no longer an item. Haven't been for two years. But that's not the point. Merely where it all started.

The 'sweet'  gift (unknown to her, last minute, as usual) I bought for her appeared to be the last straw was a teddy bear which, when its foot was squeezed, lifted its arms up and said, "Love me! I want you to love me!" The more I think about it now, the creepier I realise it was. All along. Isn't hindsight wonderful?

But back then I was an innocent, love-struck guy trying to express it to his girl. I'd always loved love. Valentine's day. But it was only since I met her that I had a proper partner to spend it with. The bear had said it. All I wanted was for her to love me. That was all. Just love. The Beatles had said it too. Love is all you need. 

At first, the teddy bears had seemed sweet. They were popular, too. I'd had to wait at the edge of a rather large crowd to get a mere glimpse of them. I felt luck stretch a little in my favour when I was able to snag one of the last ones left in the store. I'd taken it home, and right up until she opened it, it had seemed sweet.

"Are you serious?" she'd screamed. "I can't believe you thought I would actually like this!" 

"Isn't it cute?" I'd asked in a whisper as with the hint of another failed attempt, tears formed behind my eyes and I felt my face grow hot with frustration. "What do you want from me?" 

Two Valentine's Days after Leah's blow-up, when it was just me, myself and I, I noticed the bear sitting high on my shelf and pulled it down for old time's sake. A little rush of nostalgia I suppose. A vague shadow of that feeling I'd been after all those years ago. At first, the bear was completely motionless, moving only when I squeezed it's foot. At first.

After a while, the teddy bear's words, 'love me! I want you to love me!', started to sound a little creepy. I remember standing up, at which point, the bear, which I had positioned on my knee toppled to the floor. I began to walk away before looking back to convince myself the instincts were just scary mind stories. Mind stories that acted like snakes, hissing at an increasing volume to try to make you listen.

My eyes widened at the sight that greeted them. I looked away immediately, shaking my head before looking back again. I blinked. The bear appeared to have moved. It now stood on two legs, its arms extended out in front of it, reaching. For me. I converted to autopilot and slowly stepped backwards, placing all my faith into my intimate knowledge of my own dwelling so as not to trip. But, the faster I backtracked, the quicker the bear advanced, determined to maintain what distance there was between us. 

I couldn't help but laugh as I caught a fleeting glance of myself in the mirror. I looked ridiculous. A middle aged man, wearing nothing but his singlet and boxer shorts running from a tiny, fluffy little teddy bear. if it were any other situation, I would not be able to stop laughing. But, the fact that I was being chased by a psycho teddy bear come to life could not be forgotten, and the situation demanded attention. 

Thankfully, I managed to lock myself in my living room by wedging one of the old family heirloom armchairs against  the door. I fell into the armchair the moment I'd successfully heaved it into place, breathing hard. I stayed there a few minutes while I regained breath before turning on the TV. Surely I was going crazy. 

When I turned the TV on, an image of bears just like my own filled the screen. Hundreds, maybe thousands of them, all walking down a road somewhere, like a tiny mob. Hmm... It would seem that  I was not the only one with a Valentine's bear brought to life. 

"The Valentine's 'Love Me' Teddy Bears appear to have completely come to life," came the voice of a newsreader. "We have footage here of a whole army of Teddy Bears marching down Main Street.."

The screen flashed to a 'breaking news' screen before it cut to another reporter. "Anne, we have breaking visions here. People now appear to be marching and chanting with the Teddy Bears." Over the field reporter's shoulder, I could see a few people dotted among the crowd of bears, their arms forward. My living room was filled with their chant. "Love me! I want you to love me!" as the camera zoomed for a closer shot of them. I watched as the camera passed over countless people, their eyes so glazed over that they closely resembled 

I gripped the arms of the chair so tightly my knuckles began to turn a ghastly shade of white. Right there, on the screen, was her. I couldn't help but laugh, full blown, just about fall off my chair, laughter. The girl I'd just wanted to show love was begging the world for it, just like the crazed Teddy Bears she followed blindly. It was obvious that she wasn't in her right mind. The Leah I knew would be scoffing at this. Complaining about how stupid it was. How the world was getting taken over by a whole bunch of desperate losers. How ironic it was that I'm not in any way a part of this... cult of beggars. 

I shook my head as they zoomed out back to the reporter, who had turned her back to the camera. She too was chanting now, and her arms were out in front of her as she moved robotically toward the mob.

The screen filled with the panicked face of a man, attempting to film himself. "It seems that if you look them directly in the eye, it's like they hypnotise you," he said breathlessly.

"Thank you," the main studio reporter said as the camera crossed back to her and the newsroom. I marveled at the serious expression on her face. At the tiny, barely concealed giggle which momentarily broke her composure. I suppose the whole situation would seem quite humorous to someone not in the thick of it. But I was in the thick of it. I am in the thick of it, I realise as I hear the bear outside rapping on the door, louder now.

Days later, I am still trapped in my living room. I can hear the bear on the other side of that door. Still trying to break its way through the wood. There could be more bears now. I don't know, and I don't dare open the door to find out. I write this to get the word out there. To warn people. Get as far away from them as you can, and whatever you do, do not make eye contact. Should you make that mistake, you will be begging the world to love you too. Ironic really, given that's really how all this started. At least for me. One last, desperate, yet failed plea for adoration. But, you've been warned. Beware the bears.

Myrtle

Students parted like the Red Sea as Myrtle approached. She walked through the crowd accompanied by the click clack of her high heeled stilettos and the whispered murmuring of students. Were they talking about her? They'd better be.

There was a buzz left in her wake, riding the tail of her light summer coat as the edges trailed along the ground behind her. Myrtle smiled as the buzzing turned into screaming. She glanced behind her to see some girls almost tearing at each other's throats, vicious animals native to the school courtyard. Others still whispered, stealing glances her way. Myrtle grinned back at those who caught her eye. 

As she passed the sporting fields, the young men stopped racing about and turned to look. They threw themselves against the wire fences just to get a glimpse, as if she were a celebrity. She paused to flash her blinding pearly whites in their direction, causing many to go weak and fall to their knees. Any longer of a look and several pools of liquid would be all that was left of them. 

If they knew the truth, Myrtle wondered, what would they do then? Would the girls still scream? Would the guys still stop and stare? Would they all still be in awe? 

The idea of losing their adoration, of losing it all, made her want to claw at someone's throat. She rounded a corner, and away from prying eyes, allowed herself to fall against the brick wall and slide down along it to the ground.The thought made her want to melt into a puddle. 

Myrtle beamed as she emerged, all eyes on her once again. She lapped the attention, water that ensured her survival. She closed her eyes, drinking in the sound of her name, a chant coming at her from all directions. She'd never tire of it.

---

Exhaling, Myrtle picked up the pace, eyes not straying from the light at the end of the tunnel; the door to her trailer. As she stepped inside and closed the door behind her with a bang, the noise suddenly died away. Myrtle let herself fall against the door and sighed. "I can't do this," she muttered, running her fingers through her perfect hair, then immediately wishing she hadn't, because it would ruin the hours she'd spent in the hair and makeup chair that morning...

Pushing herself up from the door, Myrtle began pacing the length of her small trailer. "Are they kidding me with this? Can't they keep those pesky paps away?" Pausing, she peered out the window. There were a few people with cameras out there, but far more were armoured with notebooks and pens.

Taking a breath, Myrtle stuck a smile to her face before she reached out and opened the door to go back outside. Waiting by the step was her young assistant, coffee in hand. Myrtle took it without acknowledging her as she began the walk through the crowd. She took a swig of the coffee, allowing it to sit in her mouth for barely a moment before she turned and spat it out on the cement.
"What is this?" Myrtle turned to glare at her assistant, coffee cup clutched in her fingers as if it were toxic. "Celeste, there is absolutely no hint of peppermint in this at all." 
"I'm sorry, Miss," Celeste squeaked, taking the cup from her. "I'll get you a fresh one right away,"

The moment Celeste disappeared from sight, Myrtle turned her attention to the crowd around her, all eyeing her eagerly. She grinned brightly at them, softening to the sweet starlet they all loved. She took a breath and stepped toward them, the chanting of her name like music to her ears.