Comfort In Connection

Though the number of tears in his eyes was great, he somehow managed to hold them back. Instead, his eyes glistened and glittered with the build up of moisture, though you could only see it if you looked closely, which at the speed he was travelling, was made impossible. Really, at that speed, he could have cried freely without anyone able to see. He ran robotically, his attention fixed on the image in his mind's eye, of a beautiful quiet, calm, tranquil sanctuary.

At long last, he reached it and as he stopped before the luminous willow, he let the air leave his lungs as he gazed at it. He fell to the ground and wriggled into a comfortable position, his eyes locked on the tree above him, it's leaves hanging so low he could almost reach out and touch them. Again he closed his eyes, breathing deep as a new image began to take shape on the screen of his eyelids. This time, he saw his parents, their faces just as he remembered. They were eternally ageless now. His mother would forever have the smooth porcelain skin that had always made her look so young. His father would always be in that state of pause, between the flawless appearance of youth and the wise looks that come with age. His father had always been mature beyond his years, one of the smartest people he'd known, but never would his looks catch up.

A smile spread across his lips as he continued staring lovingly at the same image. After a while, as if by some strange magic, he started to hear their voices, whispering in his ear.
"We love you Quinn," came the gentle, soothing voice of his mother. "We didn't want to leave you. We're sorry. So, so sorry," Quinn could see his mother's soft hand reaching out, but he knew the warmth of it's touch would not reach him. It was only then that he allowed a few tears to emerge and fall slowly down his cheeks. At this, the vision of his mother's face fell and she too looked like she wanted to cry.

The tears stopped when his father reached out to him. Though he, like Quinn's mother was not able to actually touch him, the gesture was enough. "Remember Son," said his father, speaking finally, his deep and serious voice comfortingly familiar. A tiny smile reappeared on Quinn's face as he remembered the countless times growing up when his father had given him a pep talk filled with logical reasoning and affectionate, loving reminders along with sprinkles of his wisdom and a library's worth of knowledge. "We are always with you, you just need to look deep within and you'll find us. We will always be with you. And when you forget, just come back here, to this sanctuary and we'll remind you ourselves that we are right by your side. Always."

Your Name Is In Red Underlined

I can't help but smile. I have been waiting for this moment for so long.. He may have forgotten, but my memory of our time together all those years ago is as clear as if it had all happened yesterday. Yet he, after everything that happened, does not remember me at all. He doesn't remember a thing...

Little does he realise that dorky girl he used to tease back at school is standing right behind him, a completely different woman. I'm not the shy, scared little girl he used to know. I'm not the girl he can push around, making life a living hell. I'm not a fool. Not anymore. Now I am strong and I am powerful. I have grown from an ugly duckling into a beautiful and graceful swan.

Now, the smile on my lips is inerasable. No one will, no one can steal my vengeance. "I've got a list of names," I say under my breath, even though I don't think he can hear me, or is even listening for that matter, "and yours is in red, underlined."

I hold the all powerful switch in my hand, looking at it a moment, only to realise I don't need it anymore. I have more power than that now. So I toss it aside and stride closer toward my victim, purpose in my step.

He quivers and shakes, looking round wildly as he feels my approach. His eyes widen, a deer in the headlights as he spies my arms moving above him, casting my spell upon him. I am focused, but as his arms are forced to move along with mine, the smile not long on my lips reappears. I push him down and swing my leg over him, tempted to stomp it right down. But, I figure, the feeling of my skirt brushing against his back will instil enough fear in him.

He rises quickly as I come round to face him at last, my smile growing wider as I maintain my gaze upon him. I lean toward the chair he had been seated on and slide down toward the ground, watching happily as he mirrors my every move. Together, we rise again and I look away before he grabs my wrist in his hand.

For a moment, my steely focused dissolves and it is my turn to be fearful. For a moment. Only a moment, as I regain control and pull him toward me, taking his other hand in mine. We step away from each other, his grip remaining before coming in close once more. I feel his hand come to rest on the small of my back and try to hide the pleasure this brings me. My plan is working. He is falling for me...

I lead us forward and we glide across the room. We spin around and glide back. I kick every so often, once wrapping it round his and leaning further into him. He pushes me off and we resume our gliding about. I stop, arching away from him suddenly. He scrambles to catch me. He's falling deeper still...

I let him pull me closer and fall back, letting him pull me close, trying to create the illusion our feelings are the same. Then I push him off and step back. I can't have him too enthralled. Every girl knows that you have to keep them wanting more... Right?

We spin around again and he leans in closer, then closer still. He's swooped in to nuzzle my neck so quickly I barely have time to think let alone react. But then, I realise, he doesn't get to win anymore. That was the entire point of all this. I slide my hand on to his shoulder and push him away with such force he is knocked to the ground. Looking down at him sprawled out, face down at my feet I shake my head and tut. "Look what you made me do." Finally, I look up. I am strong, powerful and unbeatable. No one can stop me now.
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An alternate perspective on 'Look What You Made Me Do' (found below) inspired by the tango of #TeamViva on Dancing with The Stars which you can watch here.

Look What You Made Me Do

She has me under her spell. I'm not sure quite how long I've been under her control. I just know it's been a while since I was free. She enchanted me with her beauty. The beauty of an angel. Her dress, white as the pearly gates of heaven, glows brightly against the blackness of her lair. Her dark hair is pulled back tightly, falling down a way past her shoulders like a luminous waterfall. The sparkly jewel adorning her neck sparkle as the lights hit. Her plump lips, a beautiful red-purple tinge draw back to reveal her teeth, a perfect ivory to match her dress.

I sit still on the chair I've been led to, staring out into nothingness. It's as if I've been asleep. I feel her approach me from behind and jolt awake again. I glance back, frightened and catch a glimpse of her dress. I try to rise from my seat, but to no avail. Alas, the witch has trapped me somehow. I look around hurriedly to see where she is, kicking my feat as I grip the chair for dear life. I look up to see her raise her arms above me, about to cast a spell. A spell of imitation I realise as I feel my arms involuntarily lift with her own, like there is an invisible string attaching them. My mouth falls open and my eyes widen as it dawns on me that I am completely under her control...

Her smile grows wider and more sinister with each movement of our arms. She actually seems to be enjoying this.. For her, it seems, all of this is a game... Then she pushes me forward, and I feel the silk of her skirt brush my back, following her leg.

She comes around to face me, that evil grin glued to her gorgeous lips. I realise suddenly that I am free and stand quickly, spinning around to look at my captor. Her hand on the chair, she smiles at me, a glint in her eye as she holds my gaze. Again, I am mirroring her as she leans forward, effortlessly sliding toward the ground. I, meanwhile, grip the chair as I am pulled toward it and down me invisible magnetic force. She leans closer toward me as we rise.

I turn away quickly when I reach my full height. But her spell is stronger now and I can't bear to look away for long.  I turn to face her again, grabbing her wrist like it will give me some degree of control. She steps forward, quickly, dragging me along with her. I guess I don't have that much control after all. But, I don't think I really care.

I get lost in her dark eyes as she pulls me close and takes my other hand in hers. Then, she releases me with such force I spin away again. But the pull is too strong and I come in close again. I let go of her wrist, moving it to cradle her back so as not to lose her again.

She stares at me a moment before looking forward. I find my gaze shifting too as she leads us forward. We move so quickly it feels as if we are flying or gliding about the floor. Then we are spinning, too fast for me to see anything but her in front of me.

She lifts a leg and wraps it around me, leaning into me before untangling it and standing straight once more. She lets go and I spin before I fall into her again and we are gliding. She arches away from me and I reach to catch her, afraid she will fall.

Her face is fierce now as I pull away to look. She's not smiling anymore. She's focused. But I can't face it anymore and I put a hand on her cheek, moving in like a vampire to kiss her neck. I feel her hand on my shoulder and she pushes me away. The air is rushing around me as I fall quickly to the ground, face down. Right before I black out, I swear I hear her whisper, "look what you made me do".
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Inspired by the incredible tango performed by #TeamViva on Dancing with the Stars. If you haven't seen it yet, you can check it out by following this link-->
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7WDV60QRng

Just Be

She had every reason to run and hide. Every reason to shy away. Every reason to give up. Yet, she stood strong and tall. Unapologetically and unashamedly her. Despite everyone's attempts to tear her down, she answered to no one. She just was. She was simply Laura, and proud of it.

Francis stood, open mouthed as he watched her do her thing. Smiling, laughing and just being her. As he looked around, he soon realised there was not one frown in the place. No, she'd managed to turn each and every one upside down. No wonder the place is packed, he thought. If only I could figure out what her secret is...

"Secret?" she repeated, blinking her long, bedazzled lashes at him. "What do you mean secret? I.. I just be. I'm me. That's it!"
Francis' mouth dropped open again. Laura's brows furrowed briefly before her face relaxed into that effortlessly mega-watt smile of hers. "Ah... What did you say your name was again?"
"Francis."
"Francis," she repeated, "In my time, I've learnt that people will judge you if they want to, and there's nothing you can do about it. So why bother trying to fit in? Especially if you're like me and were born to stand out." Francis couldn't help but laugh at the theatrical emphasis she put on those last few words. But really, where did that confidence come from? And how could he... and everyone for that matter, get a piece of it?

"Besides," Laura continued, "Trying to conform would only make you unhappy, right? So why bother if people will judge anyway?" She sunk onto a stool and took a breath before looking up at him. "So.. I guess if there's any secret, it's to just be. And to stay strong and proud and true. Which," she added at Francis' expression, lifting a finger in warning, "is a lot harder than it looks."
"I don't doubt it," said Francis with a laugh. "But how do you do it? Every single person in the place had a smile on their face."
At this, Laura's smile grew. "Well, joy breeds joy, does it not? I carry them away, and they soon forget what made them a little... uncertain of me. But, I've accepted myself, and accepted that this is who I am, and when you accept yourself, you accept others too."
"Ok..." said Francis, unsure of what that had to do with anything.
"When you judge someone, unless you're really good, it shows, and they pick up on it. I like to think they learn something new when they come to see me, and when you change your mind, you can change the world!"
"Do you think so?"
"Well, I don't know if you noticed, but there were a few guys in here tonight who looked like they'd rather be anywhere but here, watching me. By the end, you said everyone was smiling, right?"
Francis' eyes started to light up as understanding set in.

"I figure," said Laura, crossing one leg delicately over the other and leaning further toward him, "I can't do anything about them judging me, so why not kill 'em with love and kindness instead? I let love shine and pride be my guide."
"You pursue the truth," said Francis thoughtfully. "The truth of you, and just be you, no matter what anyone says."
Laura clapped her hands together. "Now you're getting it!" Francis' lips widened into a smile. A pretty big grin by his standards, but still one that paled in comparison to Laura's.

"Stop!" she said suddenly at the sight of his frown and furrowed brows.
"What?" asked Francis, his expression turning quizzical.
"You're not being true now, are you?" Francis didn't respond. All he could do was stare at her. "Don't try to deny it," she said. "I'ce done it too. A thousand times. Comparing myself. But you've got to stop. Because to just be is to accept yourself and to just be you, no matter what."
"You've started a long list here, Laura. Stay strong and proud and true, accept yourself, let love shine, pride be your guide, pursue the truth and just be."
Laura smiled, reaching across to squeeze his hand, smiling when he net her gaze. "That's the most important," she said, letting go of his hand. "Just be. Just be who you wanna be."

Goodbye

You never know what tomorrow will bring. One moment, everything is fine, and the next, the world has turned upside down. In an instant, everything can change. You were there one moment, and the next, everything was different. You were still there, but you weren't really. Your spirit had escaped you. But it gave us time. Time to hold your hand. Time to give you just one more hug. Time to say goodbye.

Goodbye. The hardest word in the world. You don't want to say it, but you know you need to. You know that it's time. But goodbye... it's so final. So... unfitting. It doesn't contain everything they are to you, everything you love, how much you love. It's just a word. But to say it feels like admitting the end, and who wants it to be the end? Who wants to say goodbye?

We all sit around, sharing stories, laughing about all the times we've shared. We look over and see you there and a smile appears across our lips as a tear falls down from our eyes. How we all want more than anything in the world... how we all wish that we could just go back. Back to when all of this seemed like a horrible nightmare that would never come to be. Back to when you were here. Really here. Laughing and joking and sharing stories with all of us. Back to when the end didn't seem so close. Back to when goodbye didn't seem so soon.

So we sit, we hold your hand and we tell you we love you. We tell you everything you've meant to us. We tell you everything we've ever wanted to tell you. We tell you about all the good times. Then we whisper in your ear, and we say that awful word. We give your hand one final squeeze as the last breath of air leaves your lungs. We close our eyes, wishing we could wake up. Then we look at you. We kiss your forehead and squeeze your hand again. We whisper one last 'I love you'. We gather every last ounce of courage we have and we get up to go. We pause at the door, looking back at you one last time. Then we leave you to rest in peace.

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For Rob. Loved always.