Dead To Me

Alex,
You've been in my life for as long as I remember. I don't remember a time without you. You were always there, happy to help or give advice. You laughed, you loved and you shared with me. I've never known life without you in it. I can look back and see a thousand happy memories in the life of you and me. But now, I look back and tears start raining from my eyes.

Now, suddenly, somehow, everything is different. You're different. Once, I would have said I knew you almost as well as I knew myself. But as it turns out, I didn't know anything at all. I don't know if I ever knew you to begin with. I have no idea whether the person I've known for the past twenty years ever existed at all.

I can't take this. One of the few people in my life that I could always count on through thick and thin, vanished into thin air. You're still there, but I don't know this new person claiming to be you. This new person couldn't be further from the you I've known and loved all this time. There's this impostor posing as you. It's like you're possessed. Like some awful monster's taken you over. I hope you're in there somewhere, fighting to be set free. But I don't know if you are. I don't know where you are or if you're ever coming back.

I've tried to write you a thousand times, but the tears always take over. I can't finish. I can't bring myself to do what I know I have to. I don't want to let you go. Really, you took the choice with you when you vanished. I've just been pressing my hands to my ears, screaming. Refusing to hear the truth. I need you to be dead. It would be easier that way. So that's what I'm telling myself. That you're dead. Because you're dead to me now. I don't actually wish you were dead. What kind of person would I be then? But it's easier this way. Because you might not be dead, but the person that I knew is gone. I don't know if you're ever coming back. So, you're dead to me.

I hope there's some miracle someday and you'll be resurrected. But I can't just sit and wait for you forever. The very thought of facing this shadow of you leaves me shaking like a leaf. I haven't seen you since you disappeared. It's better this way. This way, I can remember the you I know and love, without my Alex being tainted by this new shadow of you. As it is, your shadow is lashing out, etching scratches in my skin. Only time will tell if the wounds will fade to scars and heal. All I've ever done is love you. But you aren't you anymore.You're dead. Dead to me. 

So know that I still love you and that I miss you more than you know. I know you're lost right now and it breaks me heart that I don't know where to find you or how to lead you back home. It's all too hard and I can't take it anymore. So I need to pretend that you're dead. Dead to me.

If you do find your way back home, know that I will be over the moon to have you back again. The Alex I know and love, back in my life. Everything right in the world again. I'm happy to forgive you. Because I know that you're not you right now. I hope I'll see you again one day. I hope you'll come back to me. The you I know and love.

But until then, I need to pretend that you're dead. Dead to me. I hope that one day, when you're not lost anymore, you'll understand. That for now, while the monster has taken you over, you're dead to me. It's the way it has to be. It's easier this way. But Alex, I love you. I miss you. Please come back. Please come home.

Sam

Dancing with Wolves

He'd been wandering the forest so long that the lantern he clutched tightly was the only light he had to see by. But he'd wandered so deep that he no longer had any idea where he was anymore. He looked around him, wide eyes trying to locate the source of the howling he could hear somewhere in the distance. He dropped the lantern in fright at the sound of another howl, seemingly louder now.

He turned around, to see two wolves. He tried to run through the small gap betweeen them in a bid to escapem but they were too fast, sidestepping to block his way. The force of his speed as he collided with them knocked him backwards to the ground.

By the time he got back up on his feet, the wolves had him surrounded. He spun around as they circled him slowly. Predators teasing their prey. He ruffled his hands through his hair, racking his brain for something, anything that would help him. And then he saw it. He burst through the weakest side of their makeshift cage and made a break for it.

He made the mistake of turning to see the wolves stalking toward him. Their lips pulled back to reveal sharp teeth as they snarled back at him.  He straightened to his full height, hands on hips as he stared them down. A death glare that dared the wolves to come closer. The wolves did not fear him. They came closer still. He stomped and pounded his legs as they approach, releasing any last remnants of fear he had through a physical war cry.

Mere metres from him now, he stared the wolves down. The wolves lunged toward him. But this time, he was ready. He grabbed them firmly in his hands. They tried to drag him backwards, but stronger now, he pulled them forward instead. The three of them, locked in a fierce fight to the death as they moved about. He was thrown between the wolves before the dance continued. The beady eyes of the wolves remained on him at all times, as if to stare him into submission.

Instead, he took charge, throwing the wolves to the ground as he ran, spotting a spear on the ground, He came back swinging, knocking both to the ground in a single full swoop toward them. Clutching the spear just as tightly as he had the abandoned lantern, he threw his head back, a howl of triumph escaping his mouth as the wolves stared up at him from their places on the ground at his feet, a fire ignited in his eyes.

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Another installment in the Silent Haunt collection. You can read the start of it all here.

That Quiet Whisper

He spied her across the room and gave her a once over. His eyes lingered on every detail about her. Her long, caramel coloured hair that cascaded down her shoulders in luscious waves. Her eyes, pools of emerald green glittering beneath long, dark lashes.

Just as he spied her, she spied him. She snuck glances in secret, a little scared, not prepared for actual interaction. His dark hair was combed neatly to one side, creating the illusion of a slightly rounded fringe. His sparkling blue eyes bewitched her in a way she'd never been before.

Before she knew it, he was by her side. They chatted away like old friends, despite the fact they'd never laid eyes on one another before that night. There was smiles and laughter. In a cartoon, there would possibly even have been a few sparks too. At the end of the night, they exchanged phone numbers.

She went home and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She studied each and every inch of herself as she worked down. She arched an eyebrow as she widened her focus to see her whole self, not just the different parts, and wondered why. Why had he gone for her? Of all people? There were loads of other girls there.
But why wouldn't he? So quiet, she almost couldn't hear, was a voice to challenge her endless torrent of critiques. And then, her phone dinged with a message.
Hi Shae, I really enjoyed talking with you last night. I'd love to see you again.
That was all it took for the butterflies within to be released to fly around inside. At the same time, there was a tiny little thrill, an excited buzzing that coursed through her filling her with glee.

So she saw him again. There was just as much conversation, smiling and laughter as the time before. Until the truth arose and he ran for the hills. Just like everyone always did. "Why do I even bother?" she asked out loud as she watched him go.
Because, said that tiny whisper, You need to have hope. Hope is important. Hope helps you to keep going and looking. He's out there somewhere
"Who says I've got anyone? Why would I? He could have any girl he wanted. Someone that's not so different. Someone who's not a creep. Why would anyone want a creep?"


It took years for Shae to even start to be ok with herself after so much time feeling like a creep. With so much time of that tiny whisper being so hushed. But eventually, she came to a place where that tiny, quiet little whisper became a little louder, it's message strengthened as she finally started to believe what it was trying to tell her. And with it, the power of the demons that plagued her thoughts was lessened.

Shae had changed. And so had that tiny whisper. Instead of preaching hope, it told her that she was enough. It told her that she didn't need abybody else. Maybe someday, someone else would come. But if that day never arrived, she was enough. Just as she was.

Shae was still a long way from believing what the voice told her, but she listened to it now. It was made stronger by being heard. And she was made stronger by the message it imparted. You are enough. Just as you are.

She Lived

She breezed by, brightening everything and everyone she passed on her way through. Her energy was one unrivaled by anyone. She wasn't just the life of the party. She was the party. She breathed life into people who had forgotten how to live. Places left for dead were brought to life again. She took their hands, lifted them up and guided them with gentle grace. She lived.

She was a bright spark of life. A breath of fresh air. A ray of light to illuminate the darkness. She was a friend to everyone she met. Everyone she met was enchanted by her kindness, her humour and how outgoing she was. She put a stamp on those whose lives she touched. She made her make. She made an impact on the world. She lived.

And now, in the blink of an eye, her light had been snuffed out. With a click of the fingers, she was gone. No one could believe it. How could? A lovely woman so young and full of life as she. How could it be her time to go? Nobody knew. Because there was no good answer. Simply, it wasn't her time. But she'd still gone. The only explanation was that life wasn't fair. But, if it was any consolation, she'd squeezed every little drop of life she possibly could have. She lived.

Even now, when she was gone, there was still life left behind. More life than there had been before she'd come along. She'd made her mark. She'd left behind her a legacy filled to the brim with life. The lives of others being lived to the fullest, reignited by her reminders. She lived. And because of her, others lived too. 
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For Jenn. Gone too soon.

Illuminated

She stood before in the dark, her reflection gazing back at her from the mirror before her. Everything about her, and her world, was a dull, drizzly monochrome. She'd become used to it, and developed the ability to distinguish herself apart from her surroundings. Her world had always been this way though. She'd thought it always would be.

She was pulled from studying herself by a bright glimmer over her reflection's shoulder. The brightest sight she'd ever seen. Outside, it was raining. But this rain was unusual. This rain was rainbow. She gasped as she turned around for a better look out the window. It was unlike anything she'd ever seen before. It was so bright. And beautiful. It brought with it a light that illuminated her world in a way it had never been illuminated before. Not only did it illuminate her world, but also the fact that she was the brightest thing in the world.


She turned back to the mirror, seeing herself a new. The colour of her hair, her clothes. Colour in general. "Is that really me?" she asked in a whisper. She leaned in closer to the mirror, her face now mere inches from her reflection. She tapped the mirror, her reflection doing the same. She blinked. Again, her reflection followed suit. And the woman she was seeing, like she'd never seen her before, was still there. "It's really me." She was breathless, gasping for air as she just stared at herself in a mixture of pure shock and awe. "This is really me."

She looked at the world around her. She stuck out like a sore thumb against the backdrop of the monochrome world she'd lived in for so long. Even as the grey started to melt away, as if the rain from outside had washed it away, she was still the brightest thing in the room. She always had been. She just hadn't known it yet. Little did she know, she always would be.