The Flamingo With Muscles

 Like all flamingos, like all birds, Fred had muscles. Only, he didn’t know it. Instead, he doubted it. How could he not, being the weakest of the flock? Strong birds had muscle. Weak birds? Not so much… 

Fred looked around at the other flamingos, stretching and flapping their wings. But it was when they shot up into the air their muscles were really on display, as they twirled and dipped and did tricks. Fred wanted to wrap his wings around himself so h’d be hidden from view. They were all warming up for the first stage in a competition that would eventually lead to representing the flamingos at a much bigger competition with all the birds. Everyone was expected to try out to represent their kind, but Fred didn’t see the point. He had no chance next to the other flamingos. The other flamingos didn’t have wobbly legs like heated, the other flamingos didn’t shake when someone simply looked at them. No, the other flamingos, unlike Fred, knew how to stand tall and proud. 

Not all flamingos were good at sport, Fred could admit that. But all flamingos, everyone, was good at something. So that meant Fred should have been good at something, right? If there was something that Fred was good at, he didn’t know what it was. 

If Fred had been given a choice, he wouldn’t have bothered wasting his time trying out alongside the other flamingos to represent their flock at the next round. But, he didn’t have that choice, and so, he gave it his best shot. He lined up with the other flamingos and spread his wings wide. Fred paraded along with the rest of them, as if his wings were part of an outfit he’d been asked to model at a runway show. Then, he took his turn to shoot up into the air and show off what he could do in the sky. Not much, was the answer. Fred basically flew around in different ways. He wished he’d been allowed a partner to do this with. Maybe then, they could have synchronised and together made beautiful shapes among the clouds. But, just like almost always, Fred was on his own.

“You do have muscle, Fred,” his mother told him when the tryouts had finished. “ it’s just not the kind of muscle that everyone would expect. It’s similar to the muscle birds have, because it’s not muscle that everyone sees.” 

“Oh yeah?” Fred asked, curious now. “ what kind of muscle is that?” 

Fred’s mother smiled. “It’s the kind of muscle let you do all of what you just did, I’m not talking about physical muscle that allows us to fly or spread our wings and dance the way that we do. The kind of muscle I’m talking about, the kind of muscle you have,  is the kind that helped you do all of that, even when there weren’t that many backing you. Even when you didn’t feel like you had a chance.” She patted his shoulder. “ The kind of muscle you have, Fred, is bravery and courage. It’s not the kind of muscle that everyone has, but it’s important. Because, with your kind of muscle, you can feel the fear and do it anyway.” 

Sympathy for the Devil

 I’m known around town as ‘The Devil’. Not because I’m the daughter of Satan (although I easily could be), but because most of the time, it’s my evil side that shows through and takes the lead. But, what if I told you it’s for good reason? Or, at least, it started out that way…. 

Bad is bad, I hear you scream at me, there is no excuse. I know. But, I had a reason. I’m not trying to excuse what I’ve done. Just provide an explanation of sorts, I suppose. So will you hear me out? Will you take a moment to have a little sympathy for the devil? I won’t beg- that would ruin my rep. But I’ll go on. Stay, if you give even half an F. 

It all started with my little sister. She was my favourite person in the entire universe. My best friend, my playmate, my partner in (innocent) crime- not real crime, mind you. Darkness hadn’t touched me yet, after all. That came later. But, you get what I mean. My little sister  was my everything,  and I would have done anything for her. That’s how I got into this mess in the first place, if you can call it a mess. I don’t know that it is though, not to me. It’s just a different way.  Maybe not the way others agree with, but it’s the way that works for me. As they say, nice guys finish last, right? So, that’s how I found myself making something of a deal with the devil. Or maybe the devil’s delegate? I’m not sure quite how you describe them. But I was little at the time, so cut me a little slack, alright?

When my little sister was only 4 , and I was 10, she was killed. We were playing on the edge of the road, at the end of our driveway when a car swerved out of control and hit my little sister, knocking her dead. That was when I met the reaper. I begged, because I beg in those days, and I was little. The reaper said it didn’t matter, she was gone. But, he could offer me a deal. He could accompany my sister as she passed from this life,  and make sure she got safely to heaven, where she belonged. The reaper told me that while that’s where my sister was supposed to go, there is always a chance for a soul to become lost, or snatched away to the wrong place. That was the last thing I wanted for my little sister. But, with the reaper, well I had to do was shake his hand. Looking back at it now, with the gift of hindsight, it seems obvious that it was too good to be true. That there was something the reaper wasn’t telling me. And I’ve been paying the price ever since. I can only hope my little sister got to where she was supposed to be, in heaven, because I never heard from the reaper ever again after that day.

But since that day, I’ve had devilish whispers in my mind.  They were small at first, quiet, so I had to really concentrate to hear them. But, they were enticing and alluring.  Not to mention darkness had entered my little world when my sister was lost to us, so I was more susceptible to their suggestions. And I seemed to be rewarded. The more I listened to the voices, the stronger they became. They were like friends, they are friends. The only friends I have now, really. Listening to them has led me to find my own power. Because of them, I am strong, tough and in control. No one would even dare take advantage of me now. Not like the reaper did when I was young. The reaper. That’s who I’m gunning for, really.  But I know that I won’t see him again until it’s my time. And when it is, he will be the one who pays. Until then, I’m the devil about town, and I’m ok with that.  

Before the Sun

 It is so freezing, I’m almost certain I’ll be encased in ice within minutes, maybe mere seconds. Being up and at ‘Em before the sun will have that effect, I suppose. But, I also know it’ll be worth it when I get to where I’m going. Besides, what other excuse do I have to get out of the house? Exercise is one of the few legitimate reasons folks are allowed to venture beyond their four walls, and this is definitely exercise. 

When I get to the top of this big hill/ mountain/ cliff structure I’ve been climbing, I take a moment to lean forward, resting my forearms on my knees and panting for air. Then, I straighten up and set about spinning the guitar I’ve carried on my back around so I can play it. I do it slowly, because bringing my instrument with me was a risk. Less so doing at this time of the morning, before the sun. At this time, there’s not a soul around. Not physically close by, anyway. 

There are others out there, though. They’re the reason I’m here with my guitar, out before the sun. We made a promise that they’d be doing the same as me, just in a different place. I close my eyes, imagining mirrored scenes of my two best friends in the world. Almost like our very own music video. My breath hitches in my throat, imagining that possibility. Maybe one day, it’ll be a reality. But for now, we have this. This view, so perfect it’s like someone painted it into existence. This breeze, almost too cold, but starting to grow warmer. I start to run my fingers over the strings and close my eyes so I can lose myself completely in the sound. 

I keep playing for long enough to lose all track of time. It’s not until I sense the darkness start to dissipate that I open my eyes, the strumming automatic. Just enough to see the sun start to poke through just above the ocean beyond. I keep playing as it slowly rises to begin a new day. It’s warmth envelops me, along with the knowledge my friends are experiencing if not the same, then very similar. Even if our specific sunrises are different, the three of us are all under the same sky, standing beneath the same sun. This is why we get up before the sun. For this moment when we are together in different places, our souls connected, tuned into the same song. 

For You

 When it’s just your voice, no one will necessarily have to know it’s you. These words are the ones that ended up convincing her, and they’ve been on a recurrent loop in the back of her mind since she first decided to do this. If it weren’t for him, she wouldn’t be. Being out in front of people, even the thought of it, has always sent her to shaking in her boots. But your voice is so beautiful. It’d almost be a crime not to share it with the world, he’d always told her. 

“I’m sorry you weren’t around to see it, Dad.” She hoped he could hear, just like somehow, it felt like she could hear him. “This is for you. There’s no way otherwise.” She blinked away the wetness on her eyelashes. “You’ve always been the one to make me brave though, huh?” She laughed at the realisation that hit her. “You we’re always the one to make me feel on top of the world. Like I could do anything.” 

Her brother had similar motives for wanting to join her.. “I’m doing this for you, Dad. And for her. Heaven knows I’d do anything for her. We both would, I ‘spouse. Except, you just had to go and leave it to me now, didn’t you?” The rhetorical question came out angry, but he wasn’t sure if he was really angry at all. He couldn’t be. Not at her, the near spitting image of the man who’d raised them. The man they both loved more than anyone else in the whole world. Maybe there was a sliver of annoyance, because he knew he had no choice but to join her. Even though he was pretty sure he wasn’t cut out for this kind of thing . But it was only a sliver, because it was her. For her, he’d give it a shot. 

He held her gaze, searching his eyes for a hint of understanding. “For you,” he said simply. “Both of you.”

Be Confident

 I can’t tear my eyes away from the screen. I am without a doubt, completely and utterly enamoured and mesmerised by the performer who stands there, centre stage. I have been since the moment they first appeared. I am in awe, not only of what they’ve done, but also what I’m seeing. Who they are. Technically a woman from what I can tell, but not the classic girly girl type. The person I see in front of me is not wearing a dress, skirt or high heels. Instead they are absolutely dominating in a power suit that perfectly matches that of their partner and a killer hairdo, shaved or tight on the sides with hair piled high on top. It’s kind of old fashioned but androgynously modern at the same time. They are strong and powerful, and I think they know it. 

“What are you watching?” Comes the voice of my best friend Francis, who has just entered the room and sat down on the opposite end of the couch to me. “Luce?” Francis asks. I realise the question is rhetorical when they keep talking without giving me the chance to get so much as a single word in. “ they’re awesome!” 

“Wait.” Finally I turn my eyes away from the screen to look at my friend. “You know them?” 

Francis waves a hand in the air, as if trying to lessen the gravity of this possible fact. “Well I’ve met them.” Francis returns his gaze to Luce’s image, frozen on screen. “Uncle Keys has worked with them before.” 

“Oh. Of course he has,” I say and laugh, trying to cover up my jealousy, but also knowing I’m most likely not doing a very good job. 

“Hey! Keys likes you! I’m sure he’d set something up if we asked.” Francis shrugs. “I can’t blame you. They are pretty damn cool.” 

“Right?” I ask, repressing the urge to bounce up and down in my seat with excitement as I enter fan girl mode. “They just… they’re so…” I pause to think, hoping the right description will somehow appear to me if I give it enough time. “I can’t even put words to it,” I say giving up finally. “They’re just so…” 

“… them?” Francis proffers. 

“Yes!” 

“They ooze confidence, huh?” Francis says, somehow pulling the words directly  from my mind. 

I nod eagerly, then sigh as my gaze drifts back to Luce’s image on the TV. “I wish I could be like them.” 

“What do you mean like them?” Francis shifts in his seat so that we are directly facing each other. His eyes search mine carefully. “It’s like Dr Seuss says, there is no one alive who is youer than you.” 

“Be you, be yourself,” I parrot the mantra Francis and his uncle have been trying to drill into me for years. “I know. I just mean how Luce is so confident in themselves. Not scared or afraid. Just ‘this is me. Fuck anyone who tries to force me to be anything else.’” Francis falls back into the pillows, a rare swear word as shockingly impactful as an unexpected bullet. “That’s what I want. That confidence.” 

“It’s not as easy as just clicking your fingers and saying; ‘be confident!’” Luce tells me with a laugh. “It doesn’t work like that. It takes practice, and time.” They smile. “It’s taken me years to get to where I am now. For years, I felt like biggest fraud. Like someone would uncover the truth that I wasn’t all that they thought I was. That I wasn’t all that. But the biggest lesson I’ve learnt is that, I am. I am all that. That’s where the confidence kicks in, I think. You’re still young, you’ll get there. I can see it in you already. You are.” 

I can’t help blushing. “Thanks. But, what about in the meantime? Until I get there?” The last word comes out as an extra question, something Luce picks up on. 

“It might be a case of fake it till you make it,” they tell me.”Why do you think I perform, Darling?” 

I can’t help the small giggle that escapes my lips. 

“But even then although a character might be the same on paper, they’re always a little different depending on the person bringing them to life.” 

“I don’t think I’d have enough courage to do what you do. I wish.” 

Luce reaches out to touch a hand to my arm. “It’s okay. Performing isn’t for everyone. I think it’s more important to master the art of being you and owning who you are. That in itself takes enough courage” They lean in closer, almost whispering. “ between you and me, I think it might of taken me longer to develop that confidence because I had to perform and I put on all of these masks. Although don’t get me wrong, masks are important. Because first you have to find who you are, which masks help with. Only then, once you’ve found you, can you truly be you. I think confidence stems from that knowledge.” 

Luce rises to their full height, a whole half foot taller than me. Or so it seems.

“Thanks Luce. It was so wonderful to meet you.” 

“Likewise, Linda.” 

“Lin,” I correct on impulse. 

“See?  You’re already starting to really be yourself.” Luce gives me a knowing smile and a wink. “Keys has my details, so don’t be a stranger and keep in touch okay? I can’t wait to see you dominating too, Lin.” 

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This story follows on from Be, which you can read here.