This Will End

This will end. That is my mantra. That is what I tell myself. The words run through my mind on so constant a loop that I  feel like a broken record. I repeat it over and over in a bid to force myself to believe them.

This will end. This is what I have been telling myself for the past... I don't even know how long it's been now. Long enough that I've lost track. The problem is, the deeper we go into this thing, the harder it gets to actually believe that it's true.

This will end. It's true. It has to be. What else is there that I can hold on to if it's not? The world is unraveling fast around me and it really seems like the end. Except it's not. It just feels that way. I can tell myself that it will end all I want, but I'm not so convinced anymore... What I am convinced of is the very real, more likely possibility that I'm going slightly mad...

I'm going slightly mad. Oh dear. But it's true. Trying to ignore the rising panic, the fear and anxiety-inducing news reports. The lack of clarity and certainty about when this will all be over. You'd think blocking out the world would be easier now, but the hissed whispers still creep under the crack of the closed door to lurk in the shadows and haunt me and it's becoming harder and harder.

I'm going slightly mad. We know each other quite well now; me, myself and I. We're getting to that point though where we may well have had too much of a good thing. I want nothing more than to get away from myself, so that I'll miss me. Except I can't. There's nowhere I can go. I am trapped here.

I'm going slightly mad. The allure of spending all this time alone faded away long ago. Staying home all day has turned into a bore- and I liked being at home! I loved it! It was my sanctuary. But the tables turn quickly when all your choices are taken away. And so I tell myself that this will end.

This will end. I will drive myself mad saying it until I believe it. Because it has to end. It just has to. The world can't be ending for forever. It has to go back to normal at some point, surely. I'm going slightly mad waiting and trying to believe it, but this will end.