The sky overhead was covered with big clouds. Not a touch of bright blue in sight. Rain ran down, drenching everything it touched with it's freezing cold droplets as darkness descended upon her world.
She lay on the ground, alone, silent and stuck in place. She'd long ago given up on trying to move. It was no use, being trapped by invisible chains that kept her bound. No longer could she scream or make a tiny sound, for all of that had long been lost to her. Even if she'd been able to manage some kind of small squeak, there was no one to hear it. At least, no one who cared. Those who did, those who tried, were all ripped away and she was beaten further down. Just to reinforce the lesson. Don't bother trying. No matter what you do, it won't be good enough. If it is good, you'll be laughed at for your efforts. And most importantly, no matter what, you are on your own.
So she lay still and silent, wishing that she could just melt away. That she could somehow evaporate into the ground and cease to exist. That was the only out she could see. The only way to make it all stop and go away. But she couldn't do that. She couldn't do anything.
It seemed to go on for forever, until finally, one day, it stopped. After so long in pitch blackness, she was blinded by the sunlight streaming down upon her, as if from a crack . The light illuminated something. Squinting narrowed her focus enough to allow her to recognise the something as a hand. On immediate instinct, she recoiled and flinched. Her heat beat faster, nearly jumping up to her throat. Hands weren't good, she'd learned long ago. They got ripped away, and both of them would pay a price in the end.
For long enough to lose all track of time, she stared at the hand reached toward her. Steady and unmoving. Still there. Her entire arm shook as she moved it at snail's pace toward the hand outstretched. The hand moved closer. Fingers curled around her wrist and a gentle pull helped her to her feet.
She blinked. The stranger that looked back at her wore an expression that had become foreign to her. Their face bore a soft, gentle kindness she wasn't used to anymore. The sad sympathetic smile reached to fill their eyes with tears. A sorrow and sorry for what she had been through. For the darkness that had completely enveloped her and overshadowed her entire world. She felt the air leave her lungs. The hand still holding hers squeezed, as if to say that it would be ok. But also that it was ok if it wasn't ok.
Slowly, as the hand kept on holding hers, she grew used to the light re-entering and taking over her world. She learnt that the sun wouldn't burn her to a crisp and instead, she allowed it, and the stranger's care to rewarm her freezing cold soul.
After a time, the hand let go of hers. But the stranger, now a friend, stayed standing beside her. Still there, just in case. Their very presence was all she needed to let herself be brave as she started to learn to move and walk again. They stepped forward when she stumbled, offering a hand to catch her before she fell to the ground. They helped her find her stability and steadiness when the ground beneath her feet felt shaky and fragile. They supported her balance when she needed to tiptoe so the ground beneath her wouldn't crack.
But then, the ground did crack. Her eyes darted around as she started to fall, looking for the kind stranger who had become her friend, and something of a saviour. But she couldn't see them anywhere. Their hand had disappeared. Her breath caught in her throat. She wasn't sure if they'd been ripped away, but those same feeling as if they had been flooded her now. Terrifying fear. She was frozen in place, unable to move, barely managing to breathe. The light and warmth that had filled her world disappeared and she was plunged into icy darkness. Her universe was pitch black, and it was just like she was right back there, all over again.
But just as the horrible darkness returned, so too did a hand. And not just one this time, either. Many hands all appeared to take hers. She couldn't believe her eyes as she looked at all the people around her, willing to pull her to her feet and support her shaky steps. Now, her eyes were the ones brimming with tears. A lump filled with emotion prevented any kind of speech as she allowed a few to help her up, slow and steady to stand.
Then, her breath caught, picturing what seemed like the inevitable. Every single one of the people belonging to the outstretched hands being beaten black and blue, just because of the offer of a hand. She shook her head, not wanting that for any of them. She fell hard and fast to her knees, tears streaming down her face. I'm not worth it, she wanted to tell them.
But still, the hands remained, waiting. But you are, they seemed to say, and she was reminded of that first stranger. The one who had made her feel like it was ok. She found their face amongst the many people surrounding her as they all came closer. With a collective effort of everyone, she was supported to stand, and a tight embrace ensured she would not fall again.
She felt warmth emanating from the bodies around her. Warmth that was fuelled by a genuine kind caring. By love. The warmth of several who knew she was more then she'd been led to believe. Then she now thought herself to be. People who saw her, even though she'd lost sight of herself. Who remembered, even when she'd forgotten.
She looked at all of them. She wanted to say something, to tell them all how much it meant. How much they meant. But the lump of emotion was still rock hard in her throat. Even if she had been able to speak, she wasn't sure she'd be able to find the words. She had none. No words would be adequate to begin to describe everything she felt, how much it, and they, all meant. There were no words. No words at all.
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For all of the people who have helped and supported me. You know who you are, and I have no words adequate enough to thank you. For everything.
