“You might wonder why I do this private vlogging thing,” Devi began. “I’ve often wondered myself. It started out with this need for you to know things. Especially with that…” Devi paused, searching for the right word. “… situation, shall we call it- that kept us all apart for a bit.” She cleared her throat. “But even then, there are still things I need others out there to know. The problem with that is those others have kinda been lost, in a way. They may never know these things I so desperately want them to know. They may know them, somehow. If, by some miracle, I did manage to convey it, before the others became lost.”
Devi stopped in her tracks as tears started to trickle slowly down her face. She knew then this vlog would be a very private vlog. Very private, because no one would see it but her. In which case, why only pause the recording? Why not just stop? Because she needed to get it out, somewhere. And maybe one day, she’d change her mind about not sharing it. Maybe one day, she’d put it out there, a desperate plea for the return of missing persons. Maybe, if she did put it out there, the lost others would find it. Maybe, if they did find it, they wouldn’t be lost or missing from her life anymore. Because they’d have found her again.
Devi gulped down the lump that had formed in her throat before reaching out to restart the recording. “What I want the lost others to know… what I need them to know is how much of an impact they had on me. I wish there’d been more time for me to tell them. But I took too long to work up the courage. And then, it was too late. I was this close.” Devi held up her thumb and forefinger, mere millimetres apart, for the camera to see. “But they disappeared before I had the chance. They disappeared without a trace.” Devi released a heavy sigh. “I don’t have many regrets in my life. But this is definitely one of them.” She blinked, then looked purposefully straight down the barrel of the camera. “So Odie, Christie, A… if any of you are seeing this, know that you left a mark behind you. I’d love to see you again. To be allowed one more chance to say what’s been on the tip of my tongue, what I’ve wanted to, for so long now… I promise I wouldn’t let it slip away again.”
Devi knew the answer perfectly well, but she asked the universe anyway. “Why do we wait to tell the people who are important to us that they’re important, and why? Why do we wait and say it, often when they’re not around to hear it and feel it?” Devi was reminded of a driving force for starting these private vlogs- not just others who were lost because they’d disappeared, but others who were lost because they were gone. Not out there somewhere, but not here at all anymore. Those lost others, who were lost forever, had taught her to share with her loved ones while there were there. The regret came in with those who’d been lost through disappearing before she’d had that realisation. “I’ve had enough of the fear of it. And it may be uncomfortable because it’s not what people do. But it’s what we should all do. So I’m going to do it. Because if there are more lost others, I want them to become lost knowing what I need them to know. Knowing their impact and the mark they’ve left behind.”
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This story continues Devi’s Diaries, which started here. Full collection (so far) on Wattpad here.
