Left all alone with only me, myself and I for company. No one else to listen. No one else to care. No one else who's interested. No one else who wants to know. Only me.
One arm that works. Half a body that will cooperate. Some invisible aura that must scream I'm contagious! Stay away! Only me.
Ostracism, exclusion, isolation and loneliness. Rejection and hurt. Self hatred and self blame Monsters that exacerbate it all. Only me.
Surely, it's all only me. It must be. I'm the problem. I have to be. No one else is left alone. No one else has a body that doesn't work quite right. No one else is always avoided. Only me.
Only me. So what am I doing wrong? So many questions left unanswered. So many things still unknown. So much still remains in shadow. I'm not sure if any of it will ever see the light. The struggle wasn't made any easier. If only I'd known then what I know now. If only.
If only I knew back then what my life would become. How much better it would be if I could just hold on and keep waiting a little longer. Good things come to those who wait, my grandmother always said. If only I'd known how right she'd turn out to be. If only.
If only I'd had a glimpse of what was to come. The things yet to be. The people I was yet to find if only I could keep swimming, just like Dory always said. After the storm comes the rainbow, so they say. If only I'd known the storm would come to an end. If only.
If only I could tell myself that proof was on it's way. The monsters were wrong, our peers young and afraid. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so the story goes. If only I'd known that song could be my anthem If only I'd known how much better it is here on the other side. If only.
If only I could travel in time and bring the younger me to see her future. The future where the darkness was lesser then the light. Where the sun shines so brightly, it could easily send you blind. If only the past could glimpse the future where the light is visible at the end of a tunnel that doesn't exist. If only.
If only that hurting, scared and lonely little girl could see that one day, it'd all be different. One day, life would be sweet. All she'd ever wanted and wished for would come. All she'd dreamed of, she'd have. All she'd ever hoped for would be hers. She wouldn't believe it. She wouldn't listen to anyone else. Only me.
