Content Warning: allusion to themes of rape and sexual abuse. Please take care if you may be impacted and choose to read on.
Your Dad is like your guardian angel, always with you and watching on. It was a comforting thought, reinforced as the ending of the bedtime story she'd grown up hearing almost every night. Ashlea liked the idea of having her father there and with her, the way he could be. It wasn't really a consolation for the fact she hadn't had a chance to know him properly-he'd died before she was born- but it was still something, and for that, Ashlea was grateful.
The story of her parents, was another sleepy favourite. But this was one her Aunty Lea tended to tell, rather than her mum. "I'm not sure I've ever seen two people so in love as your parents," she'd say. "It's almost like their story was lifted from a book. Like the two of them were made for each other. Your Dad loved to surf, and your mother loved creating with the shells on the beach."
"But she can't stand the beach now," Ashlea had said the first time she'd heard the story. "I only go with you."
"Because there was an accident while he was surfing," Aunty Lea had explained. "That's why your Dad isn't alive. Why you've never had the chance to meet him and why he never had a chance to know you."
Ashlea had pouted, on the edge of tears, but unsure whether she could cry over someone she knew only through stories.
Ashlea distinctly remembered the way her Aunt had brushed her fingers against her cheek before saying, "he would have loved you."
"How do you know that?"
"Because I got to know him," Aunty Lea had said. "And I can see his best qualities reflected in you."
"I wish I'd met him," Ashlea had said sadly.
"I wish he'd met you," Aunty Lea had said. "I know your mother does too."
What Ashlea hadn't realised was how much her mother had wished about her father. Like definite assurance he was really her dad.
"There's a tiny chance that he's not," her Aunty Lea had told her the truth not too long ago, looking, and sounding, a little like she wanted to throw up. Beside her, Ashlea's mother had just cried silently.
"What?" The admission had been a blow that made Ashlea feel like her world was imploding completely.
"I.." Ashlea's mother tried to start, but was barely able to get the one word out.
Lea had rested a hand on her sister's knee. "It's ok, Sarah."
Resting her free hand on her niece's knee, she'd held Ashlea's gaze. "Your mother... you.... well, it wasn't the nicest start."
Ashlea gasped, her mouth seemingly stuck in an 'o' formation.
"But I am so glad that I have you, Ashy." Sarah spoke up finally.
"We both are."
"So why..."
"Because he was my greatest love," Sarah answered. "I want it to be him. It's a nicer thought, and I wanted to let what happened... I wanted to let it go and move on. Build my life, with you."
"Plus, you're very much like him anyway."
Sarah nodded emphatically. "You have all his best qualities, and I feel like he lives on, in you."
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More of Ashlea's story is featured in Cam & Goldie, a longer story now fully up on Wattpad here.
