Just Be

She had every reason to run and hide. Every reason to shy away. Every reason to give up. Yet, she stood strong and tall. Unapologetically and unashamedly her. Despite everyone's attempts to tear her down, she answered to no one. She just was. She was simply Laura, and proud of it.

Francis stood, open mouthed as he watched her do her thing. Smiling, laughing and just being her. As he looked around, he soon realised there was not one frown in the place. No, she'd managed to turn each and every one upside down. No wonder the place is packed, he thought. If only I could figure out what her secret is...

"Secret?" she repeated, blinking her long, bedazzled lashes at him. "What do you mean secret? I.. I just be. I'm me. That's it!"
Francis' mouth dropped open again. Laura's brows furrowed briefly before her face relaxed into that effortlessly mega-watt smile of hers. "Ah... What did you say your name was again?"
"Francis."
"Francis," she repeated, "In my time, I've learnt that people will judge you if they want to, and there's nothing you can do about it. So why bother trying to fit in? Especially if you're like me and were born to stand out." Francis couldn't help but laugh at the theatrical emphasis she put on those last few words. But really, where did that confidence come from? And how could he... and everyone for that matter, get a piece of it?

"Besides," Laura continued, "Trying to conform would only make you unhappy, right? So why bother if people will judge anyway?" She sunk onto a stool and took a breath before looking up at him. "So.. I guess if there's any secret, it's to just be. And to stay strong and proud and true. Which," she added at Francis' expression, lifting a finger in warning, "is a lot harder than it looks."
"I don't doubt it," said Francis with a laugh. "But how do you do it? Every single person in the place had a smile on their face."
At this, Laura's smile grew. "Well, joy breeds joy, does it not? I carry them away, and they soon forget what made them a little... uncertain of me. But, I've accepted myself, and accepted that this is who I am, and when you accept yourself, you accept others too."
"Ok..." said Francis, unsure of what that had to do with anything.
"When you judge someone, unless you're really good, it shows, and they pick up on it. I like to think they learn something new when they come to see me, and when you change your mind, you can change the world!"
"Do you think so?"
"Well, I don't know if you noticed, but there were a few guys in here tonight who looked like they'd rather be anywhere but here, watching me. By the end, you said everyone was smiling, right?"
Francis' eyes started to light up as understanding set in.

"I figure," said Laura, crossing one leg delicately over the other and leaning further toward him, "I can't do anything about them judging me, so why not kill 'em with love and kindness instead? I let love shine and pride be my guide."
"You pursue the truth," said Francis thoughtfully. "The truth of you, and just be you, no matter what anyone says."
Laura clapped her hands together. "Now you're getting it!" Francis' lips widened into a smile. A pretty big grin by his standards, but still one that paled in comparison to Laura's.

"Stop!" she said suddenly at the sight of his frown and furrowed brows.
"What?" asked Francis, his expression turning quizzical.
"You're not being true now, are you?" Francis didn't respond. All he could do was stare at her. "Don't try to deny it," she said. "I'ce done it too. A thousand times. Comparing myself. But you've got to stop. Because to just be is to accept yourself and to just be you, no matter what."
"You've started a long list here, Laura. Stay strong and proud and true, accept yourself, let love shine, pride be your guide, pursue the truth and just be."
Laura smiled, reaching across to squeeze his hand, smiling when he net her gaze. "That's the most important," she said, letting go of his hand. "Just be. Just be who you wanna be."

Goodbye

You never know what tomorrow will bring. One moment, everything is fine, and the next, the world has turned upside down. In an instant, everything can change. You were there one moment, and the next, everything was different. You were still there, but you weren't really. Your spirit had escaped you. But it gave us time. Time to hold your hand. Time to give you just one more hug. Time to say goodbye.

Goodbye. The hardest word in the world. You don't want to say it, but you know you need to. You know that it's time. But goodbye... it's so final. So... unfitting. It doesn't contain everything they are to you, everything you love, how much you love. It's just a word. But to say it feels like admitting the end, and who wants it to be the end? Who wants to say goodbye?

We all sit around, sharing stories, laughing about all the times we've shared. We look over and see you there and a smile appears across our lips as a tear falls down from our eyes. How we all want more than anything in the world... how we all wish that we could just go back. Back to when all of this seemed like a horrible nightmare that would never come to be. Back to when you were here. Really here. Laughing and joking and sharing stories with all of us. Back to when the end didn't seem so close. Back to when goodbye didn't seem so soon.

So we sit, we hold your hand and we tell you we love you. We tell you everything you've meant to us. We tell you everything we've ever wanted to tell you. We tell you about all the good times. Then we whisper in your ear, and we say that awful word. We give your hand one final squeeze as the last breath of air leaves your lungs. We close our eyes, wishing we could wake up. Then we look at you. We kiss your forehead and squeeze your hand again. We whisper one last 'I love you'. We gather every last ounce of courage we have and we get up to go. We pause at the door, looking back at you one last time. Then we leave you to rest in peace.

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For Rob. Loved always.