Why Not?

 Not that anyone knew, cause she'd rather have stuck pins in her eyes than tell a single soul, but there were so many more reasons that Kelly was so hardcore into celebrating Shelly De Luca than anybody realised. Though now that she though of it, if she were being really honest, she wasn't just celebrating- understatement of the century. No, she was completely loving Shelly De Luca. 

Kelly balked at questions of how or why. "Nuh uh." She raised a single finger in the air. "No, no, no. The real question," she paused for dramatic effect. "The real question is why not? The question is how could you not." She scoffed at the attempted rebuttals. 

You don't really know her. You think you do, but...  

Kelly cut in before there was the chance to say any more. "That's what you think." 

She's a big star. You're an ordinary person. She doesn't even know you exist. 

"Wanna bet?" she challenged. "Cause I'll bet that one day, she will know who I am. Just wait. You'll see." 

She's half a world away. She's across the pond, love.

Kelly shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I'll find a way." 

Eventually though, Kelly started to get sick of all the doubters. Of all the reasons why not. She gazed at the homemade poster of Shelly that adorned her wall and sighed as she surrendered to the flood of warm, fuzzy feelings that washed over her. The flood that washed away everything bad and made it all feel ok again. "Why do they have to try and pull me down, Shell?" Kelly asked the poster. "I like being in my bubble. The clouds... I love the clouds. I like being among them. I don't want to be brought down. The earth is hard." 

Kelly's breath hitched in her throat. "I know it's a fantasy, Shell. I know that. But I don't care." She looked around her room, the poster seeming to stand out, as if it were bordered with some sort of glow, maybe a spotlight shining behind it with light creeping out around the edges. Kelly nodded. Shelly was definitely the brightest thing in a world that seemed pretty dull and grey otherwise. It was like.. no. It wasn't just like.. Shelly did make Kelly's world better and brighter than it ever used to be. "The fantasy isn't hurting anybody, so why does it matter?" A hint of a smile played at her lips. She was vaguely aware it was just a projection of her imagination, but it didn't matter. She didn't care. Shelly's poster seemed to whisper to her: it doesn't. 

Kelly's grin grew a little bigger. "Which brings me back to one of my original questions." Just because she was alone in her room didn't stop Kelly from pausing for dramatic effect. "Why not?" 

There is no reason, Shelly seemed to say through the poster. 

"Exactly." Kelly's eyes sparkled with delight. "And I promise you Shell, that I will love you the way I always have. I will stand by you and be there through thick and thin, just like you've done for me. Cause why not." Kelly shook her head. "Why not? I'm hearing that so much it's like a broken record. But why not, when there are so many reasons why." She let out a breath of hot air, somewhat exasperated. "Those are what I want to focus on, Shell. More than anything. Not why not, but all the reasons why."    

You

 The young man sat on the back steps with a heavy ‘hmph’. “Why is it that all the best ones have to get stolen away?” He asked the empty yard. “First, it was Jay, then Mia, Renee, Tommy and Arnie.” His head hung low. Though no one was around, he still felt a need to at least try to hide his tears. “I know,” he whispered, picturing the face of his lost love in a puddle on the ground. “I know, Beau. You didn’t want me to cry. But losing you... it was the worst. It is the worst. Because you... you were the best. The best of all of them.” Each word he spoke was harder to get out then the last as tears streamed down his face.

The young man took a breath, trying hard to steady himself. He wanted to keep going and push through, but he wanted... no needed, to do so without having his voice quiver or break. He figured he owed Beau at least that much. “You,” he started again, “are the greatest gift I’ve ever gotten. Just you.” A montage of images, many of them moving, flashed through his mind. Of Beau, of the both of them together, happy and in love. The small smile that stretched across his lips was tinged with sadness. But he was ok with that. “If this is the price I have to pay, then so be it. Because anything is worth the chance to love and be loved by you.”

He remembered one time when they were together, laying quietly as the sunlight streaming in through the window warmed them. “You want to know something?”
“Tell me.” The young man had whispered against his lover’s lips.
“You’re my forever love.”
Just the sound of the words, spoken in Beau’s voice, almost melted him. “You’re my forever love,” he’d argued playfully. “And my every day Valentine.”
Beau’s giggle was etched in his memory, along with the cheeky smile.
“It just fits that your name is literally Valentine.” The young man smiled, both back in that moment, and again then, as he remembered the moment and relived it in his mind.

“Beau Valentine.” The name tasted like sugary syrup on his tongue, the sound a sweet symphony to his ears. “My Beau Valentine.” Beau’s smile had melted him too.

“My Beau Valentine,” the young man told the imagined reflection of his love. “My everyday valentine, my forever love. Because I choose you. Every day and forever.”

Aisling

I looked at the young man... or maybe more of a boy, tucked up tight in his bed sheets and sighed. There was no way he would go unless he was made to. I had no choice but to go and guide him on his way. So I returned to his bedside, night after night and sang to him. It was the only way.

 

All it took was one look at me, one glimpse of my face, and he was mesmerised. I knew from his eyes, glassy and glazed over. He was in my daze. Just where I wanted him. At the mercy of my will. I could've done whatever I had wanted...

 

To my horror, the boy opened his mouth, perhaps to protest. I had looked away. But I was quick in pressing a finger to his lips to silence him. "Shh. Come."

 

... correction- he'd do whatever I wanted, as long as I kept singing to him. My looks were one thing. Just a glimpse of me, a slightly transparent, yet glowing ghostly figure, would make any man weak at the knees. The reason I had to wear a veil everywhere I went. But my voice was what held the real power. So I opened my mouth and allowed my song to lap over him like waves. Once again, his eyes glazed over and he was hooked. I could have done anything, but I didn't want much- only a friend. This life of mine, lady of the lake, is a lonely one. You can hear it in my song if you listen closely. No one ever did though. No one ever has. Which is why I'm left with no choice but to use the charms of my voice. I didn't want to. Though, can someone who's been enchanted to you ever really be a true friend? Whether they can or not, he's the closest I have. Even then, I feel we're not quite there. I have sung to him for longer than I can remember and still, nothing. Whether it is he who disappears and breaks the connection or I, the problem remains. He does not. 

 

One day, he will come along with me. But that time will be different. Because that time, he will stay. 

What Goes Around

The tall, dark haired woman exuded elegance, even as she bent to match the height of the young girl sitting in front of her. "It's ok, Jessie," she said. 

The young girl shook off the woman's hand and leant away, just out of the woman's reach. "No." Her head turned quickly from side to side, voice struggling to stay steady. "Daddy used to call me that." 

In front of her, the woman stiffened in her crouched position, forehead crinkling as she processed what the girl had said, and what it meant. She could have asked, but she knew her niece well enough to know that would have made her more irritated. "Ok," she said finally. "What would you prefer to be called?" 

The young girl simply looked at her aunt a few minutes while she thought. "Jess," she said finally and nodded, satisfied. "Just Jess." 

"Ok, Jess." 

"What about you?" 

"Me?" The woman blinked. "Nothing's really changed, Jess. I'm still your Aunty Delaura." 

"Aunty D?" Jess asked, rising to her feet to leave. 

With a smile, Delaura stands and slips an arm round the young girl's shoulders. "Sure." 

"Aunty D?" 

"Yeah?" Delaura looked down at her niece, unsure whether she was just testing her aunt's response to her new nickname. 

"You said nothing's changed," Jess continued. "But... That's not true. Everything's changed. Everything." 

Delaura tried hard to hide her sigh. "Yeah," she said. "I guess it has in a way. What I meant was that I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere." 

"I wish Mum and Dad were too." 

"I know." Delaura's thoughts turned to her beautiful little sister, stolen from them, especially her little girl, far too early. "Me too." 

"Will that other man go away, Aunty D?" Jess blinked her bright dark eyes at her aunt, as if this would convince her. As if she needed convincing. "He needs to. He needs to go away cause he made them go away." 

Delaura nodded, opening her mouth to answer before stopping. "Yeah, but that's not up to us Jess..." she stopped just short of adding 'ie', a force of habit when she was feeling particularly protective or affectionate. "The thing we need to know is this; what goes around comes around." 

"Huh?" 

 

"Karma," Delaura explained. 

"Karma?" Jess repeated questioningly, as if this would explain it. 

"Well, the theory goes that if you do good, good will happen, and likewise, if you do bad, then bad will happen. Basically." 

"Karma." Jess said again, as if to link her aunt's description with the word. "So because he did a bad thing, bad will happen to him?" Her eyes light up with hope as she glances at the taller woman for confirmation. 

Delaura opened and closed her mouth a few times, unsure about actually saying the words out loud, even though while it wasn't a great thing to be saying, it was the truth. But then, which was the lesser evil? Which was better? Stewing over rage at what he'd done? Something that nothing could ever undo? Or, believing that the universe would have a way of righting things so to speak, and taking comfort in that? 

"The universe will take care of it somehow, Jess," Delaura said finally, then repeated it, maybe more so to convince herself. She had to trust it. She had to. Otherwise, she was in serious danger of driving herself up the wall. "The universe will take care of it." 

Home

I miss home. The feeling is like a tidal wave of pain, sorrow and longing. I miss the feeling I used to have walking in the door, like a wave of calm that filled me with a sense of peace, comfort and relief. Then, it felt like I could breathe. Now, my breath comes in short, sharp bursts. 

It could be worse. I could be without a house at all. But I'm not. What I am without is a home. It might seem like the same thing. Right? I used to think so too. But what I've come to learn is that it's not. What I've come to learn is that there's a difference, a very important difference, between having a house and having a home. A house is a physical structure; it's walls around you, floor beneath you and roof above you. A home, on the other hand, is an emotional experience. It's a feeling of calm, an atmosphere that's relaxed and an ability to just be. A house provides shelter. A home provides safety. 

So I miss home. Because now, home has been left behind in the rearview mirror. The only thing I want, more than anything, is to get back there, but the only thing that's actually happening is that I seem to be getting father away. 

I spied it once, a way away, off in the distance. At that point, I didn't even have a house. Going home was a dream just out of reach. The locks had been changed and I no longer have the right key. I turn away with a sigh. I have a house, and I'm grateful for that. I just wish I could have my home again. I will one day. Just not yet.