A Little Much

 Us bleeding hearts have a tendency to be drawn to people who are in some way or another, bleeding. Whether that be literal blood from a physical injury, or a more metaphorical kind of invisible bleeding, like what results from an emotional wound or psychological infliction of some kind. We want to help. Because, by nature, we are deep. Deeply caring, deeply giving, deeply loving, deeply nice, and also, deep feeling. 

Deep feeling; more familiar to some as empathy, or in the case of so many of us bleeding hearts, over empathy. Because us bleeding hearts, us over-empaths, rather than feeling for others, often feel as if we are the other. We experience their pain as if it is our own. It’s worse, the pain more intense, if the other happens to be someone important to us, or who we care about. But regardless of who it is and how intense the pain, this is where our drive to help comes from; a desire to alleviate the pain. To, in effect, stop the bleeding.

“I’ve never had a friend like you before,” is a sentiment I have heard more times now than I could possibly try to count. People are not used to the depth of a bleeding heart, our high level of care and generosity, nor our loyalty. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. It can be a bit off putting or confronting, and I get… well, I’ve learnt that it can be a bit much. I’ve learnt these things through the times I’ve been told they “haven’t ever met someone like me” or “had someone in their life like me”, usually as part of a conversation in which the other person is effectively cutting me out of their life completely. 

It is through these experiences I’ve also learnt that while us bleeding hearts wear our hearts on our sleeves, at times, it’s also like we’re carrying our hearts red raw on a platter in front of us ready to present to those who become close. I’ve discovered this because those parting conversations I’ve had with people can feel like having my heart torn into a million pieces, stomped all over and beaten to a bloody pulp, before the broken… nay, shattered heart is re-presented on a platter for me to try to figure out how to piece back together on my own.

But, I’m not always able to piece my heart back together in the same way it had been pieced together before. Each repair brings slight differences and lessons from the way it had just been broken. Yet, it keeps on breaking. That’s what I can’t stand. I think I’ve done better, that I’ve learnt, done enough for it to hold strong. And then, it’s shattered all over again. 

“You’re too kind and loyal,” was one of the latest comments, followed by, “you put thought into gifts you give.” 

“Those people…” My friend, Effie practically spits the last word. “… who say those things… they’re possibly struggling themselves, to accept the kindness, the loyalty, the thoughtfulness. Those are all wonderful qualities of yours. They’re part of what make you the beautiful you that you are. But they’re qualities which, if someone isn’t used to being on the receive end of them can be… too hard, too confronting… they’re the ones with the problem. They’re the ones struggling. Not you.” 

“But…” I start. “But doesn’t that mean they need that kindness even more?” 

A small smile spreads across Effie’s lips. “Yes,” she says. “But…” she trails off, thinking. “… well… as they say, you might be able to lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” 

My gaze falling to the ground, I nod. “I know. Dad says that a lot.” 

Effie winks. “I know he does.” She laughs. “Possibly because of how much truth there is in it.” 

“I suppose I can be a little much sometimes, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Effie admits, “but there are people, like me, who can learn to understand that’s a part of who you are, and to navigate that together…” 

“… Like we do.” 

Effie nods. “Like we do, that’s right.” She takes a breath. “Others, like those stupidos, who can’t or aren’t willing to learn and work together with you? Well, they’re gonna miss out on a whole lot from you. Maria, your loyalty, kindness, thoughtfulness and generosity? The way you care and support others, and the way you show love? All of those things are things that make you an exceptional friend. To those who are willing to try to learn and understand. To those who really deserve it. The others? Yes, they may need it more than others, but they’ve made their choice, and they’re going to have to live with the consequences. They’re going to have to learn the hard way. It’s their loss.” 

“Mine too.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Effie says. “I just don’t want you thinking that it’s all on you. Because it’s not. They also had a part to play.”  

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This story continues the Bleeding Hearts collection, which started here. You can also now found all the stories from the collection (so far- will update there as/if more is written) together in one place on Wattpad here. 
The story is also partially inspired by a beautifully touching scene in the new Heartbreak High on Netflix (more here- one of the last few eps of season 1), so special shout out of thanks also to actors Chloe Hayden and James Majoos and the incredible writers, directors and other crew involved in bringing that scene to life 🤍💛💜