Man I Once Knew

My eyes snap open, and I rise quickly from the warm bed sheets that cover me. My breath is swift and heavy as I look around me, squinting as my eyes adjust to the darkness. It takes a moment to calm myself. For a few minutes, I'm not convinced that the haunting nightmare from which I'd just awoken was just that. A nightmare.

Months earlier, everything had been different to how it was now. The change had occurred quickly and I could remember that night as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. That night, Nick hadn't been him. That was the only explanation I could fathom. Nick had never been a big drinker, and that night he'd had more than usual. All I can say is that the alcohol in his system changed him. The unexpected, sudden change in his demeanour scared me deeply, and I was chilled to my core. Thinking on my feet, I waited until he had passed out before I packed a bag and left.

The next morning, he called me. My hand hovered for a moment over the phone, as I debated whether or not to answer the call.
"Callie, Thank God!" he said when I picked up the phone and answered, having decided to give him at least a chance. "Where are you? I've been so worried!"
"You don't remember?" I asked in place of answering his question.
"Don't remember..." he said, and laughs a little. My heart swelled at hearing that lovely laugh. "Well, I guess that answers your question, doesn't it?"
"Nick, I... You... You came home drunk last night." As I spoke, I could feel my voice trembling, and it only got worse as I went on. Though he was silent, I could sense Nick crying on the other end of the phone, and suddenly I remember the cause. "I'm sorry Callie. I'm so sorry. I.. The last thing I ever want is to hurt you. I don't want to be like my father. I'm not my father."
"Ok," I said, not really convinced. "You didn't lay a hand on me if that makes you feel any better. The house copped it instead," I said before I was aware of the words escaping his lips.
"Oh, good."
"But it scared me to death," I said after working up the courage to speak. "That's whiy I left."

"Callie, there's something else," he said after a while.
"What?" I ask quietly. After seeing him that night, I couldn't really think of what else there could be.
"There's someone else," he answered and I gulped heavily.
"What?" I asked again, not wanting to believe it. "How long?" I asked, before realising Nick is no longer on the other end of the phone.

I put the phone down and walk away, toward the window of the motel I'd checked into the night before. I stared out the window, not really seeing a thing as I allowed the tears to escape and roll slowly down my cheeks. I hated walking away when I was still in love with him, but that's exactly what I was doing.

That night has replayed over and over at night, a recurring dream that reminds me what the true meaning of fear really is. When I wake, I feel as if I've dodged that same bullet over again, and I sit a moment, breathing hard as I remember that my safety is intact.

I meet with Nick again a while after it all happened, in search of some answers. He tells me that the someone else he'd told me about had been around for a few months. He'd loved us both, he says, and wanted to see if he could keep us both. I think he knows, from my expression after his admission that he has just blown his chance. I take solace when he tells me of his plans for the future. He's going to a facility to make sure he isn't a repeat of his alcoholic father. I smile and wish him well before we go our sepearte ways, for good this time. That last meeting with him was all I needed. It was the closure, and the cure of those recurring nightmares. I smile in the knowledge that he recognises what could be, and is seeking help before it reaches that point, and I am hopeful that the Nick I knew and loved could soon return.
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